Wow, Queen Cleopatra Is Even WORSE Than I Thought…

This has a what score on Rotten Tomatoes?!?!? Queen Cleopatra is even worse than I could have possibly imagined as the “docuseries” not only serves as painful, unabashed propaganda, but it also got so much of its history wrong and is cheesier than Cheetos.

Queen Cleopatra is literally one of the worst docuseries ever made, and there’s a lot of crap out there.

Netflix’s Queen Cleopatra released just a few days ago, and it was a worse disaster than even the most cynical person could have expected as it not only had some of the worst actors, set designs, “experts”, and general understanding of history in a “professional” documentary ever, but it also was a pathetic attempt at propaganda and rewriting of history. And I don’t mean that lightly.

Now, I really hate having to use words and phrases like “propaganda” or “rewriting of history” when describing documentaries/shows of this nature as the words/phrases are so charged these days, yet it’s the only way I can think of to describe how horrific the real-life Cleopatra was portrayed by Netflix and these documentary creators.

Obviously, most people are going to immediately think I’m talking about Cleopatra’s skin color and heritage depiction as the “propaganda” and “rewriting of history”, and that’s partial true but not the whole story. I think it’s quite obvious that Cleopatra was not an “African Queen” and never saw herself as one as she not only was born of Macedonian incestuous ancestry, but also her whole claim to the throne of Egypt was based in the fact that she was a Greek woman.

Being born to Pharaoh Ptolemy XII Autles, Cleopatra was raised from birth as a legitimate, true decedent of the Macedonian general-turned-Egyptian-King/Pharaoh Ptolemy I, thus making her whole identity and claim to the throne of Egypt ingrained in the Greek ancestry Alexander the Great brought to the land during his conquests over 300 years ago.

Her first language was Greek, the royal court only dressed in Greek-inspired attire, the Ptolemy dynasty ruled Egypt in the Hellenistic traditions, she was taught language, history, literature, philosophy, etc. by a Greek philosopher (Philostratos), and she ruled from a multi-cultural, primarily Greek city (Alexandria) that was directly named after Alexander the Great.

Wow, Queen Cleopatra Is Even WORSE Than I Thought...(Netflix-Queen Cleopatra-Official Trailer) — Wow, Queen Cleopatra Is Even WORSE Than I Thought…
(Netflix-Queen Cleopatra-Official Trailer)

Then, when she and her immediate family (her father, brothers, and sister Arsinoe) went into exile after her eldest sister Berenice IV usurped the throne, she was raised between Greece (Ephesus to be more exact) and Rome as her father had deep connections with notable Romans and Greek authorities. She would never have claimed she was African or of native Egyptian decent as she would have been seen as an illegitimate usurper, which would have resulted in her execution.

Do I need to go into further detail how Greek heavily influenced her upbringing?

On multiple occasions, this documentary claimed that the reason Cleopatra learned the native language of Egypt, which was a feat previously thought of as undignified by the previous generations of Ptolemy Pharaohs, was because she “was close to the Egyptian people” and had strong roots in Egyptian heritage.

Aside from adopting the religion, crowing rituals (ex: such as the rulers being viewed as the reflections of Isis and Osiris) of Egypt, and the practice of royal inbreeding, there’s no evidence to suggest Cleopatra had even the slightest hint of care for the “Egyptian people”, let alone being their fierce protector and patriot as this documentary stupidly presents.

As is her right given the difficulties of her circumstances, she would have only cared about herself and how to get to power as her siblings were going to kill her for the throne otherwise. In fact, Berenice IV, her eldest sister, actually petitioned the Roman Senate to kill Cleopatra, her father (who is also Berenice’s father), and her brothers in an attempt to assert her own legitimacy over the Egyptian throne.

The Ptolemy dynasty was brutal and selfish, and Cleopatra needed to be just as brutal and selfish to survive and thrive…which she most certainly was.

As for the language claim, it’s impossible to truly know why Cleopatra learned the Egyptian language. Still, it was most likely (key words here) done as a pastime (the famous Greek historian/scribe/philosopher wrote down that Cleopatra was a great scholar and could speak Ethiopian, an ancient, uncertain Syrian language, Troglodytes, Greek, Hebrew, Arabic, Median, Parthian, and maybe Latin), or as a symbol of legitimacy over her brothers and sister.

For a pop culture example, learning the Egyptian language as a symbol is kind of like in Game of Thrones how a Targaryen riding a dragon when fighting against a Targaryen rival without is seen as the more legitimate claimant. It’s purely for political and populace support for the throne of Egypt.

Furthermore, this rewriting of Cleopatra’s personality is really jarring and disrespectful as the series goes along as they make her out to be this boring, one-dimensional, virtuous, compassionate, obnoxiously selfless person. And, given how Cleopatra literally had three of her siblings killed though either an assassination or warfare, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’m not saying she’s a villainous monster the Romans made her out to be (because they were enemies…which this show conveniently forgot to emphasize when criticizing the Roman’s depiction of her) as she was definitely loyal to her immediate family (children, lovers, etc.) and loyal servants when she was anointed Pharaoh of Egypt.

Plus, she was very wise and cunning to deal with some of the most brilliant Roman, Greek, Egyptian, etc. statesmen of the day and come out on top for a brief while.

However, this silly idea of depicting her as someone who would never betray their distant “allies” (aka: Pompey Magnus, which I literally laughed out loud when I heard it), fought desperately for the most remote Egyptian farmers, and literally insulted/demeaned some of the most powerful Roman senators, statesmen, generals, etc. in the world to their faces “for Egypt” is dangerously distorting the actual personality of the real Cleopatra.

And these “experts” should be ashamed of themselves for peddling this untrue version of Cleopatra.

Just to wrap up this review as I could only get through two episodes before my eyes burned out of the sockets, I utterly despise how arrogant these “experts” are when they ignorantly get facts wrong about the people who actually lived during this time.

They blatantly make up claims like “Egypt was the breadbasket of the Mediterranean, so it and Cleopatra technically ruled Rome” (which is wrong as Rome was relying on grain supplies from Sardina, Sicily, and Carthage at this point in history), “Cleopatra doing the traditional crowing ceremonies means she wants to be an Egyptian queen, not just a Ptolemaic queen” (which is wrong as all the Ptolemies who worshiped the Egyptians gods did these rituals).

Or “because she gathered an army from Syria during her exile, she had the support of the Egyptian and Syrian people due to her being a QUEEN!” (which is wrong as she literally paid for a mercenary army to fight her brother).

And, in what has to be the most horrific thing about this documentary, these bullshit artists posing as experts actually had the gall to discredit famous ancient historians, such as Plutarch, as they “were born 150 years later” or “they’re propagandists”.

Now, it’s true Plutarch was born after Cleopatra had already died and most of the Roman historians painted Cleopatra in a negative light, but these experts are doing ALMOST EXACT SAME THING these far more credible historians did! However, instead of smearing Cleopatra as the Romans did, they’re incorrectly glorifying her as this 21st century African Queen.

The only thing separating the likes of Plutarch and these “experts” is the fact that Plutarch was trying to write a historical account.

Literally, one of these experts said that it was propaganda to say Cleopatra was a temptress/seductress (which she was as she seduced Caesar from siding with her brothers or sister, then seduced Mark Antony to keep her throne), but it’s more appropriate to say she was this “beautiful woman that everybody was attracted to”. Seriously?

First off, everyone is a bit of an overexaggerating as Cicero quite famously despised Cleopatra, while 99% of the world’s population at the time never even heard of her, let alone seen her, given the nature of technology and travel back then.

Secondly, and more importantly, Cleopatra was supposedly not this Aphrodite-like beauty the world had never seen before, but rather a good-looking, Greek woman who used her charm, intellect, and soothing voice to attract her lovers.

Plutarch (46-119ish AD), Julius Florus (74-130 AD), another famous Roman author, poet, historian, philosopher, etc., and even Mark Antony himself (83-30 BC) all stated that Cleopatra was beautiful, but her intellect and intelligence made her the timeless legend we all know and love.

To say everyone just “fell in love with her because of her beauty” is such a massive disservice to Cleopatra as it completely dismisses all of her cunning, charm, and mastery in statecraft.

Oh, and before I forget, why does this series keep saying that ancient Egypt was an “African culture”?

Yes, the nation of Egypt falls within the continent of Africa, but the overwhelmingly vast majority of modern-day Egyptians would classify themselves as Arabs, while the ancient Egyptians wouldn’t have even known what the word “African” was (the use of the word culture was far more defined back then and more used to describe people from a distinct land/region, rather than a broad continent mass or similar skin tone as this series suggests).

If you don’t believe me about the modern-day Egyptian claim, then read this rather loaded, condescending (but that’s beside the point) NPR article that directly asks Egyptians if they view themselves as African or Arabic.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough about this crap series, and I hope everyone who reads this article has found the actual Cleopatra to be a brilliant, ruthless, brave, ambitious, yet flawed ruler who used all her skills and talent to build an immortal legacy.

Queen Cleopatra gets the incredibly rare -1/10 from me. Thank Isis and Osiris this series has an 11% rating from critics and a 2% from the audience on Rotten Tomatoes.

Images Source: Featured Image: (Netflix) (Queen Cleopatra | Official Trailer | Netflix – YouTube)